Heaven Song

Some people have the gift of marrying words with rhythm; the gift of song. I do not. It is the one gift I wish I had. I feel music inside of me all of the time, especially in moments of especial intimacy with Christ, but I've never been able to get that music out. I have always struggled with writing poetry, singing harmony, remembering lyrics--but I love them all deeply. I have always had to rely on others to pen the words in my heart. Only in the last few years have I become especially aware of this..."block". I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with this self-realization--did it mean I had a sin that I just wasn't letting go of? Is there a part of me that first needs to be stripped away, to free me to sing the way my heart feels? The question of whether I was supposed to have this gift never occurred to me, because I am; I feel it. So why is it not coming?

Thinking about my beautiful friend, Kylee, and her death 2 months ago, has made me restless for Jesus to come back. I feel more aware than ever that Neil and I are not supposed to be "together forever", that I don't want to live to be 900 years old, and that this world is not at all the way that it is supposed to be. My heart belongs somewhere else--somewhere beyond the love found in friends, family, marriage, and country. My heart belongs with Him; that is the only place it will find rest.

I am realizing that no words I speak and no tune that I sing will ever fully reflect the affection my Brother, Friend, Lover and King has for me. Maybe God has put this longing for song throughout my body, knowing that it will not be quenched in this life. Maybe it was meant to be my pointer to the hope of heaven; my reminder that I have so much more of Christ to experience.

Someday I will sing with total abandon the heart song inside of me.
Maybe it's just a matter of waiting for Heaven.

Come quickly, Lord. I'm ready to sing.

Kylee, I'm a little jealous.